that one time i pushed myself towards the pain to let myself free and from shame to let go x repeated a million times

I lose and I gain balance from taking charge of pain. At least, I, nowadays, these days, try to think of this in the past time. But only when I'll let you go I'll know for sure if it's something I've gained out of my history of pain with you, or the notion of growing up will have to have that part of me too. The struggle to discover myself through pain. Ah this is such an artistic point of view but I wonder if maybe not everybody does it, and if now, how come was that possible!? I am now growing out of pain with patience and most importantly joy. The joy of love that constitutes of all the gratest joys there are.