I NEED ADVENTURE

I need adventure so I can actually live.
My mornings are quite so same. The same routine if I can call it like that which consists in trying to hours and hours to find motivation to get out of bed ( at least )- getting out the door is another story.

I've always felt a deep connection with unporpousness ( I need this word to exist ).  I struggle to see straight into what i need and what i like and what i would like to be doing. But it's the ''by chance'' moments that I feel most connected to. Like photography a true genuine moment- when my subject if there is one is not aware of the capturing process, or like staying a few steps behind than anybody else to capture a certain thing my eyes saw.

I need to feel true to myself. And that barely even happens because I find within me a state of mind that does not let me be free and unaware of my thoughts and some other force that has to do with the purpose of my life. And so I'm left moody. I''m this way since I can recall. I thought it was from wrong love that this moodyness won't go away so easily. ( For some time I actually kind of forced myself to make myself fall in love more easily so that I have something to write late at night and forget my depression. The thing is that today still, I don't know if it's an induced depression or not. How do you even know that when it's been there so long?

And so I find myself here again and again in bed. With just tiredness these days. I want to do what I love and when I get known for something I get -not bored but- kind of too aware that people know me by something that I tend to run away ( in my mind and in my spirit ). It's not fun when you only know your own way of thinking, otherwise you'd feel more calm.


I can be harmonious. But I can't be chill.

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I wish to have my own studio- which would basically consist of my very own room having a bed, a big big window would be much treasured and the rest of the space would be spare space. Part room, part studio. Part passion, part life. =the same thing.