Below I published more or less my love story. The feelings are all accurate.
Now I am in between but with a foot out the door. I've lost all hope but my heart was always full of hope because how could I stop loving you in other way? I always have hope even when there is supposed to not be one. I feel like I will forever love you. I whisper it a lot. These day I try to stop that whisper. Because how can you love someone that's not around? That doesn't want to be around to be more precise. How? Wholeheartedly.
I've stop this scene by making my move. I've started the days with things that distract me from thinking too much.

This is a journey of love I haven't stopped along the way for half of the intensity. You were things I did not know, things I did not know I wanted and whispers, and dreams and energy that make my heart and mind move. Only towards you. And that's such a bad thing- when the one you love is..not around. I would just want you face to see, giggle to hear, your conversations with others to hear. And you somehow always kept coming back with the same lies, moves, glaces. I am staring into the void and the pain you made me feel makes me sad. It's more or less a memory now, but I've lived that pain for two years and you stare at me and say I love you my snowdrop and then leave again.
I need to be strong for the life I have, the energy in me, the happiness that I will make happen.
I love you, so what? I have so much love in me I could feed a thousand hearts.