20 Oct 2015

backstage scene

Backstage scene or not quite.
I got around the idea that I should try fashion photography. I think the idea came to me when someone said that my photos are in that area. And I felt outraged for some reason. And I took I deeper look at them and so that there is that fashion edge to them. So I said to myself ( because all the people I know at the moment are afraid to get lost in the woods, and get themselves wet and run around in water and swim- all because well life for me is first but close to it comes capturing the feeling i'm getting when i see these moments ) ( by the way all the people i know are so scared and afraid to let themselves free that it makes me so so sad not being able to create genuine- true dear to my heart genuine content. For the moments my heart skips a bit when I get the final perfect take on camera- I would like to do a blogpost about this topic but it most definitely breaks my heart and i would like to write about it after i get the answer behind it- or the starting point of it all for my photography and life )

Oh ok- no more parenthesis for this paragraph.
So I said to myself: This is not the kind of fashion photography that I can make! I can do so much more! As an editorial lover I started to think how I can bring my photography at the next step. So I started thinking that collaborations are the answer and that it also should be fun.
Then the need for a notebook came and so that I can check the next things off of it:
Make-up artist
Props etc

The process of this all is still ongoing. Need to find out more about fashion photography and experiment more as it's what I love doing!

Finally: Here's a picture from a fiting that had nothing to do with my projects but I was waiting for my model to come pick a dress up for a shooting I had this image in front of me trough my eyes and I had to take it. I'd like to see how I see nude editorial. To be continued...


I need adventure so I can actually live.
My mornings are quite so same. The same routine if I can call it like that which consists in trying to hours and hours to find motivation to get out of bed ( at least )- getting out the door is another story.

I've always felt a deep connection with unporpousness ( I need this word to exist ).  I struggle to see straight into what i need and what i like and what i would like to be doing. But it's the ''by chance'' moments that I feel most connected to. Like photography a true genuine moment- when my subject if there is one is not aware of the capturing process, or like staying a few steps behind than anybody else to capture a certain thing my eyes saw.

I need to feel true to myself. And that barely even happens because I find within me a state of mind that does not let me be free and unaware of my thoughts and some other force that has to do with the purpose of my life. And so I'm left moody. I''m this way since I can recall. I thought it was from wrong love that this moodyness won't go away so easily. ( For some time I actually kind of forced myself to make myself fall in love more easily so that I have something to write late at night and forget my depression. The thing is that today still, I don't know if it's an induced depression or not. How do you even know that when it's been there so long?

And so I find myself here again and again in bed. With just tiredness these days. I want to do what I love and when I get known for something I get -not bored but- kind of too aware that people know me by something that I tend to run away ( in my mind and in my spirit ). It's not fun when you only know your own way of thinking, otherwise you'd feel more calm.

I can be harmonious. But I can't be chill.


I wish to have my own studio- which would basically consist of my very own room having a bed, a big big window would be much treasured and the rest of the space would be spare space. Part room, part studio. Part passion, part life. =the same thing.