29 Jun 2015

i cover my eyes so only I can see my sorrow for brief moments

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25 Jun 2015

bouncing heart of mine

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My heart bounces when I think of you. And that is the reason for the trip documented above. The 100th one. Well, that's what it is now. And when this love won't matter no more, just as it happens, I hope I don't regret a bunch of it. Because all I do is so I would not regret a thing at the end. Just to saturate my love. But I will find soon enough if that's a good thing: to saturate something that does not have a future. I know artists do so.

Because at the end of the day, today matters if it has consisted of you.

Because at the end of the day, today mattered if it had consisted of you.

22 Jun 2015

i go lala la la

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drafts of me lying around

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no words, just hope in my gut.

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'm taking a good look at your eyes through mine every time I pass a mirror and every time I look up and down and in and every other way

21 Jun 2015

that one time i pushed myself towards the pain to let myself free and from shame to let go x repeated a million times

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I lose and I gain balance from taking charge of pain. At least, I, nowadays, these days, try to think of this in the past time. But only when I'll let you go I'll know for sure if it's something I've gained out of my history of pain with you, or the notion of growing up will have to have that part of me too. The struggle to discover myself through pain. Ah this is such an artistic point of view but I wonder if maybe not everybody does it, and if now, how come was that possible!? I am now growing out of pain with patience and most importantly joy. The joy of love that constitutes of all the gratest joys there are.

and I feel concrete with you

And maybe I come back to you over and over again, or I always end up choosing you because maybe I've always wanted and urged for uncertainty. That is what I have with you. I am here, I've done a lot of school years. I don't know how many for my own soul, because truth is- I always was eager to learn but school is not a fine space for me, and for my soul. You withdrew school and are in a different town and are struggling to make your way. You are so different than all I know and I feel concrete with you. And it's all I've always wanted.

Yet, you don't share my goals or my morals and every few minutes or moments find your way to hurt me. For loving you. You leave me, you let me go, return, grab again, Not alluring, just grabbing my broken self, you break it again, you love it for a few ephemeral moments, let go and repeat after an enough period of time when I brake myself, I struggle to wake up, to fall asleep, to sleep and to breath - but I can only breath with hope when you let that escape from your mouth. I love your whole being, but I wonder how much is it real, but the sudden aches in my chest and tummy and in every bone when I call you in silent or out loud whisper makes time being real. Time exists and does not exist with you. It exists because it does not exist. And that is what time means for me, the definition of it. I am a poet in my soul. In pain I write or I silently mumble words or states of mind to be later put in verses. And yet. Here I am. In between of something new and something old or just the question of What is to do this summer? 

I want travels with you. Because these days I live in peace because of your i love you in response to mine, earlier on. Or maybe I should stagnate. Because I never think life is that and that's what I find in search of you, life far of stagnation. Or is it truly life out of stagnation? Whatever, I want that with you now. To live day by day with life. Me- the one that finds life to be mundane when it is life. I don't want this feeling no more. Am I the only one? Because, apparently, I am the only one I know that runs and runs and never reaches, because I never ask, nor I know what is there to find.

I love my soul when I'm with you. It's because it fells like a haven't got one. It just pump. No questions or doubts allowed. My love is love.

You run away from things just the way I do. You hurt me. Just to come back to me and ask yourself why. Because things don't work out, but when you do find that love when in a kiss the whole world in its existence and its sense fall away, you...don't quit it right? But also maybe not, as in my case, where it's only shared in a small percentage, or with a person that does not know its percentage.
But anyhow, do I know mine? Do we, all?

With you I am things I'm not with anyone else, and yet, I don't act at my fullest or just barely act from all of my true self.
With you I am things I'm not with anyone else, and yet you know none of them.

20th June

20 Jun 2015

left in a hurry of 30 minutes and left my town for my world. You.

I'm experiencing this doubt, feeling, excitement for the millionth time. Actually it may be 12th times or so but still. Am I following my heart again or should my brain be the king of the equation? Who do you ask for help and for the 'right' answer. Right as in right for this time being, for the present time. You have this love that you know never never will it survive but you put your whole soul and every piece of your body into...
For the millionth time I wonder...should I leave all of my responsibilities from home and just adventure into the unknown field of personal wanderlust and heartbreak and be with you. Only for a moment- because I struggle to let go, to love you, to let me love you -because you are not one with me, and your world, from what I can most certainly can tell, does not stop from moving when we kiss, when we dance, when we are. I have the strongest feelings for you and it may all be in vain. I can associate my pain with people with serious health problems ( my friend had a sick special someone and I could relate to all the stages and all the inner pain and suffering she 'had' to go through- for example walking and at the crossing looking for cars and feeling that if one were to hit you you could not feel a thing at all ). And that is not good. I know. But I've felt it so fully.
(Monday- Tuesday and so many other times)

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numb bare face and skin tormented by you

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(On Wednesday )Just before midnight you wrote me you were going to be out of the country in 2 days and my heart started pounding, but you were fast asleep so I worked on what I had going with a rush in my heart that I always felt when it was about you or when I travel. So, at 7am I wrote you should I come today yes or no , and you replied Come; kiss. So after so many hours and no sleep, as I usually do, left in a hurry of 30 minutes and left my town for my world. You. Two beautiful days of how our life were to unfold if we were in the same place and everything were to be at ease.

14 Jun 2015

instagram feed from bari, italy

And much more on my instagram profile. I wonder- I'm the only one that takes a million shots and still feels good about them? And then I go taking a million more. And so on. Is it the quantity ( the x times you press that shutter button ) equivalent with good art? I feel something like a rope at my throat if I don't do so. Please do enjoy and book a ticket too.

2 Jun 2015

quickly it's got me again

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