27 May 2015

You know those moments or memories you want so harshly to relieve but...there's just something in the way, most time distance..? But then there are the moments that are right in front of you and that can rehappen. But you keep pushing yourself out of the equation. We, people, long at any given moment. I wish I could understand how others think, because I feel at any given moment but some..don't.
   I felt a need of longing and because it has to be the end of it- I asked myself for a 5 minute run. I ran just a little and after that, not even letting myself feel tired for a bit, I sat on a fence that was around. Images from an argue came and so my eyes felt happy so I got up and just as I started to move my body and feet, at the first steps, my tears dropped. After I finished a round the block run, I stopped again at the same fence and I think I said it out loud: I think I'll never forget that moment.
The moment when my tears  and the cold  connected, had a harsh contact and it felt like most moments in life feel like, just like life itself: unreachable.
  Since then I am in an awe of me longing for the same boy again and again, when it's not even about the distance. It's about you not letting the guard down and letting someone disrespect you.
 I long for things at every step and truth is...longing don't matter; things are in front of you.

touching the nape of my neck and feeling like the touch i want is still there


24 May 2015


i am powerful in touch.
these may be a bit too much for some.., But i am a million things plus one. I am quiet and nobody can see the variety i carry inside me But when i let go...

I believe this is the silent scream i held inside of me for these two years. It hurt like nothing i knew and now my soul has stitches.

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22 May 2015

Be the ocean

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I love your high

I need to sleep with the window open so I don't hear your silence.

my hands need not to reach for the same thing.
when I spread my heart to find my own

I get an ache on sudden moments.
And I need to know 
I still know your touch.
Will I? Can I? Is it?
I do!  

12 May 2015

i burst into silence

No smile, no sad lips.
The no memories part with you is now in the process of getting it forgotten. I am happy with things but I have a certain smile not so much that is there- because your memory is still here. Numb smile.

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11 May 2015

yes, i called for love


door enclosed


baby slowly


9 May 2015

keep calm in worrying and create

Every time I'm in the country I find time to shoot more freely. It's because I have -a new place that is new at the moment; more rooms so that I can find the light/sun shine in different ways and intensities and because I'm all alone in that big house. I miss that while at home ( a shared apartment is not so fun when inspiration hits). Soo...after a long time and a long debate I thing I am ready for this step. I really need it. My own place one part sleeping corner one part studio room. Photography...hm....I need to put everything I have into this plan so that I know I will be ok no matter what. I need to create, I need to grow, I need to put on 'canvas' the thing that sometimes is the only thing that lets me breath.
I beg for art. I've always begged for more. Now..I ask my mint to keep calm in worrying and creating sceneries that do not need to exist because my mind says so.


7 May 2015

i believe in us even when i can't handle the reality's truth


2 May 2015

i dreamt of you holding me


Right now. And this is once more the reflection of you on my body, face, soul, and mind.
It's like one thousand little needles pinch my heart at the exact same time.
I want nothing. And yet it hearts. Because I was a part of it. And because I loved you with every bone of my body. And I am never ready to let you go.
don't go. just stay quiet at least.

Like a stress release I woke up feeling like crying. And I did. You did not answer and I had to talk so I talked with myself in between sobs.
I want this pain to end but we do not let go entirely. I am tired to be left out of my biggest purest love so far. And it hurts drop by drop, second by second.
One second is an eternity. Now I am in the same place as you. And I watch every single car passing by. I want you near so much that I want you to go.
I am in pain, I can't eat again. I want a full stop. But I don't want it out of your arms. I dreamt of you holding me.