20 Jun 2015

left in a hurry of 30 minutes and left my town for my world. You.

I'm experiencing this doubt, feeling, excitement for the millionth time. Actually it may be 12th times or so but still. Am I following my heart again or should my brain be the king of the equation? Who do you ask for help and for the 'right' answer. Right as in right for this time being, for the present time. You have this love that you know never never will it survive but you put your whole soul and every piece of your body into...
For the millionth time I wonder...should I leave all of my responsibilities from home and just adventure into the unknown field of personal wanderlust and heartbreak and be with you. Only for a moment- because I struggle to let go, to love you, to let me love you -because you are not one with me, and your world, from what I can most certainly can tell, does not stop from moving when we kiss, when we dance, when we are. I have the strongest feelings for you and it may all be in vain. I can associate my pain with people with serious health problems ( my friend had a sick special someone and I could relate to all the stages and all the inner pain and suffering she 'had' to go through- for example walking and at the crossing looking for cars and feeling that if one were to hit you you could not feel a thing at all ). And that is not good. I know. But I've felt it so fully.
(Monday- Tuesday and so many other times)

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numb bare face and skin tormented by you

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(On Wednesday )Just before midnight you wrote me you were going to be out of the country in 2 days and my heart started pounding, but you were fast asleep so I worked on what I had going with a rush in my heart that I always felt when it was about you or when I travel. So, at 7am I wrote you should I come today yes or no , and you replied Come; kiss. So after so many hours and no sleep, as I usually do, left in a hurry of 30 minutes and left my town for my world. You. Two beautiful days of how our life were to unfold if we were in the same place and everything were to be at ease.

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